Lunch on the Quay

I‘m meeting Nixalina for lunch at Robertson Quay. She’s an editor, writer and podcaster who’s been living in Singapore for six years. I want to meet her because of the “reality podcast” she’s created. It’s like where reality television (you know, the stuff with lots of drama) and podcasts intersect. Detailing her relationships, friendships, frustrations, and escapades, she narrates it all, often hilariously, for our listening pleasure. Sometimes she does an interview, or has on a guest co-host, but it’s usually just Nix riffing on topics solo. On average, the episodes are about twenty minutes, the perfect kick of high-energy to start your Tuesday morning.

She breezes into the al fresco restaurant along the river where we’re meeting, wearing a little black dress that falls above the knee, white block-heels, and a gold chain from which hangs a gold tiger head charm pendant. Her dark brown hair is straight, falling past her shoulders, and together with the black dress, it’s a dramatic look. This contrasts with the rich, tropical flora surrounding us, but it’s attractive. A very 1961 Givenchy Breakfast at Tiffany’s vibe, but without the gloves, tiara and cigarette holder. The podcaster approaches the table. She is slightly taller than the average woman, with a straight posture that accentuates her enviable figure, “Hi, I’m Nixalina,” she says, holding out her hand.

Shaking her hand, I thank her for meeting me. I emailed a couple of weeks ago, having never spoken to her before, to ask if I could do an interview for an incipient writing idea bubbling up inside me. She was just the female icon with a local podcast I was looking for. (I am convinced she should be given her own reality show, just not sure if she wants one.)

We settle in at the table where the retractable awnings protect us from the glaring sun, and the oscillating fan whirls above us. She agrees to let me record her with my iPhone, so I slide it across the table and press record. This is my first time giving an in-person interview to someone I’ve just met so I attempt to play it cool and act like everything’s normal.

I begin. “This alter-ego, Nixalina, and you know, why…why…what…what…what inspired that?” cobbling together my first question.

Unfazed, she responds. “My best friend randomly called me Nixalina Bum Squirt when we were ten. I was like, what? I definitely did not have diarrhea. So yeah, it was just a random thing she said one day.” She delivers this matter-of-factly, in a way that communicates she’s answered it before many times. “From then I became Nixalina. Even my mom would write birthday cards out to me as Nix. When I launched a blog in London it was Nixalina because that’s just who I am. I didn’t realize at the time what a gold dust move that was. Purely random. And it protects my privacy. Nixalina is my semi-partying-alter-ego, whereas Nicola’s the one who cooks roast at home. It’s nice to separate the two,” she says.

Do you believe it was destined in a way, not just a coincidence.

“Yeah, it’s almost been too good and too perfect to think it was just a random thing when I was ten years old.”

The Woman, The Podcaster, The Legend

Nixalina is a bright, mid-30s, very outspoken Londoner with a huge personality and big brown eyes to match. She transferred to Singapore in January of 2017 for an editor role at a women’s magazine. The side gig is her podcast, Can’t Keep My Mouth Shut, where weekly, in her musical voice, her empowered and independent voice, she moves from cackling confessions, sad anecdotes, tips for dating survival, a story of an embarrassing trip to the hair salon after a strenuous roll in the hay, and romantic tales that brew up fury, depending on the episode.  Her topics range from serious, such as how she escaped from an abusive relationship, to less serious: “Never Have I Ever…Had a Threesome”. The quality of her content comes from her bold humor, self-deprecating at times, and a willingness to be vulnerable for her listeners. 

She doesn’t see this as rare quality, however. “What I find interesting, is even when you talk about me being vulnerable. I don’t see being vulnerable as special or different. I just talk. Yeah, so when people are like, you really share, or you have no boundaries or filter. Doesn’t everyone? I just assume that’s what everyone’s like.”

Not everyone can be honest.

Attempting an analogy, I tell her she’s like a politician who’s been through a whole bunch of shit and is able to get up on stage and take a beating. Uncertainty swells as I consider how this will land. She doesn’t respond. I back pedal by saying she’s only probably like a politician, and that it is good she doesn’t have thin skin in the work she does.

Switching gears I ask her if there’s a larger purpose to her being vulnerable.

Opening up, she answers. “There are two pillars. One, it’s so cathartic for me. At the end of that episode, I felt good,” letting out a sigh of relief. “Got it off my chest. I had been boiling that up. At the end of the episode, I felt good.” (She’s referring to episode, “Singapore: Losing all the GOOD Women because of the SHIT Men”. The name says it all, but go have a listen.)

“Second pillar would be the responses I get. I even got an email once that someone had listened to the podcast about living with an anxiety disorder and took themselves to counselling, and they wanted to thank me but be anonymous, so asked their therapist to email me and thank me for their behalf. Even that one person. Living with anxiety and not knowing you have it is the worst.”

Big Housewives Energy (BHE)

I first discovered Nixalina while scrolling Instagram a couple of years ago. Kat, a makeup artist friend of mine, had reposted one of her client’s photos from a shoot. The woman in the photo, in a black swimsuit with dark smoky eyes, hair slicked back, was emerging from a swimming pool with a suggestive look on her face. Instantly I recognized Big Housewives Energy.

For seventeen years I’ve watched The Real Housewives franchise. At times, loved ones have expressed concern on my levels of consumption and its potential effect on my mental health. Instead of listening to them I dug deeper, and I’ve dug so far down I’ve transcended housewives and entered the realm of themes. The themes of Nixalina’s show include fantasy versus reality, betrayal, materialism, greed, envy, love, and lust that come with a tropical metropolis motif throughout.  The tension she shares comes from being a western woman navigating life here, faced with the anxieties of aging and the uncertainty of finding love, something we’ve all experienced, or will experience in this life. And she is wildly entertaining. She is committed to working through her emotional pain, and continues to grow as a person for it. This is in stark contrast to what is often shown on Instagram: primarily snapshots of what looks like perfect lives even though we’re told, and logically it makes sense, that no one’s life is perfect, but that is not necessarily how we process it in our heads. A good “reality podcaster” will present the good and the bad, otherwise where’s the humanity in it? Not everything from her life is revealed, nor should it be, but those with the courage to remove at least some of their mask, baring their truth, deserve to be acknowledged. If I could I would nominate Nixalina for Best Reality Podcast (that should be a thing). And perhaps promote her to having her own reality TV show (if she’d like). Let’s reward real reality, not those pretending to be perfect. In the meantime, sit back, relax, and enjoy her show.